The Story of Your Life, and Mine

“If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all along, waiting for you, and the life you ought to be living is the one you are living.”

—Joseph Campbell

One of the many wonders of this time of life is remembering our past. While my short-term memory has stayed pretty sharp, my long-term memory seems to have become enhanced, sharper, and deeper—and it’s taking me on long memory episodes of different times in my life, on my own and with others I’ve known for a while. This is not just reminiscing, remembering events as anecdotes and stories, as enjoyable as that can be. Given the amount of time and perspective I now have, and hopefully wisdom, I see patterns, inflection points, and changes over the course of life that mostly bring a kind of fondness to how my life has unfolded. Of course, these memory journeys can bring up times of trouble, but even these are now tempered with perspective and show me an overall path my life has taken, warts and all. By tracing that path of my life, it helps give me perspective on my current life and the one ahead of me. In my conversations with others, I have come to believe that being content with the arc and quality of your entire life as you get older (or not) determines a good deal about the quality of your later life in general.

Here’s a fun exercise I use to appreciate where I’ve come from and where I am in life right now, again, warts and all. I look back over my life and think about all the twists and turns, the big turning points, and the things and people that pulled me toward them or away from them. I wonder at the serendipitous moments and events that seemed to be written like a script. It was such a complex interwoven maze of circumstances, events, inclinations, beliefs, and inspiration, especially those in the formative years of my childhood, that it seems to have been written by some cosmic pen to have brought me to this point: right here, right now, and right where I was meant to be, as the Joseph Campbell quote says. This maze of life was driven partly from inside, partly from outside, and it makes no difference now which was which.

This is more than a “what if?” exercise, as in “what if this had happened or that had not happened?” The point is that these events and circumstances did happen, and they brought you to where you are, and who you are, right now. Your past isn’t changeable. Or is it? How you treat your memories of the past, how benevolent you are to yourself, can change how you view your past, and your present. The outer circumstances are things that happened to you. But what about the inner circumstances? Was there some guiding light that helped you make big decisions that came from a place inside? If you spend some time thinking about this, and aren’t afraid to examine your life (again, warts and all), you might find a thread that tells you something about who you are and what matters to you, and this might give the events and decisions of your life some perspective. This perspective can be a good guide, and a great friend, as you approach later life and navigate its wondrous yet sometimes turbulent waters.

Two of My Big Threads

I told this story in a previous article,  but two of the big threads in my life are: 1) physical movement and the effect it has had on my body and my mind, 2) becoming comfortable with unconventional life decisions, which drove much of my career and personal life. Both of these threads started in tandem when I graduated college and turned my back on the white-collar business and professional worlds, where most of my friends headed, and instead became a carpenter building houses. The physical work was intensely hard but gave me a strong body and a feeling of peaceful tiredness at the end of the day that was very satisfying. My decision to do this was very “gut feel” with no worries about the outcome. I knew that if I changed my mind, I could always quit and take up a normal white collar career path. I never regretted that decision.

My 20s were filled with more carpentry and cabinet-making work and a big dose of fairly radical political idealism, which after many years, ultimately landed me in the printing business. I also got married and divorced along the way. But in my later 20s, when I settled into a regular job as a printing salesman in the financial industry, it was because I wanted to do it, not because it was a smart career move. And when I started my own company years later, I took the work ethic I learned from my “tough but fair” house-building boss all those years ago with me. It became the blueprint for how I ran my own successful printing company, full of highly dedicated and well-paid, profit-sharing employees. I never forgot how much we accomplished by doing things “right” with the highest quality and a minimum of hassle and distraction, as well as financial incentive.

What’s more, the physical effects I remembered from my house-building days led to a lifetime of exercise starting in my mid-20s, whether that was just walking in New York City, biking on weekends, or swimming every day. The swimming, in turn, led to yoga when I developed a weak back caused by repetitive motion and not enough weight-bearing exercise.

So, that one decision to build houses after college instead of pursuing a “college graduate” career path, made from a place deep within me at a turbulent time of life, created a foundation that enhanced everything that came afterward. I’m sure we all have stories like that. In my case, that one decision led me to right now, when I am still moving and exercising and taking unconventional paths. My decision almost 20 years ago to be a healthy and loving older dad, which I write about in my book, fits this same pattern: an unconventional decision combined with movement. My sense of satisfaction and contentment with my life's path is a big part of how I am living my life these days.

Looking back on your life, what threads can you unravel from your life’s story? Can you identify any key events, decisions, or circumstances that brought you to this point right now? Can you spot the significant turning points or serendipitous moments that brought you to “the life you ought to be living … the one you are living”?