Health as a Gift of Love
This time of year begins with gratitude and ends with gifts. What is the greatest gift I can give my loved ones and myself? Time. Even better, time as my most healthy and genuine self. All of the health practices and routines I now follow have that goal at their heart. Since my profound transformational experience at age 57 all the other priorities in my life receded. The need to hang around, alive and in good health, long enough to be part of my daughters’ experience of growing up into adulthood became my passion.
I Am an Older Dad, Now Raising 2 Teenagers
My first daughter was born when I was 54 and my second when I was 57. My father died when I was just 7 (he was 47.) That experience left a hole in my life that I have been struggling with ever since. I didn’t want that same thing to happen to my daughters. I didn’t want them to lose their dad while they were young.
So far, so good. I am 73, extremely active, fit, and healthy, and I am a vital part of their lives. My health practices have already given me tons of extra quality time with them. They are now 19 and 16 and heading toward adulthood at warp speed.
I credit that moment of inspiration as the motivating force of virtually everything that has happened on my life’s journey since then. That profound realization was driven by a deep love for my daughters, as well as a deep love for myself, present and past, although the love for myself has been a slower and gradual realization. That flash of insight has given me a new perspective on everything life has to offer. My entire experience of life since, in ever greater steps, has been revelatory beyond my most extreme expectations.
Is Spending Time on Health Practices a Selfish Pursuit?
Some people see health practices – whether they be dietary, movement, or emotional and spiritual – as selfish, because they think you are spending too much time on yourself. Some see these practices as a sacrifice of the time they could be enjoying themselves or relaxing (“Do I have to go to the gym today? Ugh!”). Or they look at the time and effort to exercise, eat healthily, or pursue spiritual health as just plain boring, unexciting, or a dreadful amount of work.
It’s true that giving up our existing and conventionally defined creature comforts is sometimes a big part of the process. Changing our patterns of behavior is almost always challenging, as is wrestling with the belief that the ease, comforts, and pleasures of the modern, sedentary lifestyle are somehow good for us. For example, a sports fan may spend every Sunday watching sports, munching on high-calorie snacks, and drinking excess amounts of alcohol. Eventually, this person might decide to sacrifice this creature comfort to improve their health.
The profound connection I have developed to my own biology, and by extension to life in general – my real, visceral, authentic, and emotional life – has become a benefit that far outweighs any sacrifice or challenge along the way.
For me, connecting to my health has been the ticket to appreciating the wonders of being alive and being able to appreciate the awe of “now,” the precious experience of the present. By working at keeping healthy I have done myself and my family a great service. I have not sacrificed anything but, instead, have discarded a whole bunch of baggage that was causing me not to experience life as directly and passionately as I do now.
In fact, I would make the case that those who don’t try to be as healthy as possible are the selfish ones. They are possibly doing themselves and their families a great injustice by placing extra burdens on themselves and their loved ones that are avoidable. For example, their families will need to take care of them if premature but avoidable illness strikes. There will be higher medical costs. They are also depriving themselves of extra years of a healthier, more functional, and higher quality life.
As much as possible, I choose to avoid this potential future scenario. I have also learned that appreciating myself and feeling as if I deserve those extra high-quality years is as important as the health practice itself.
Health, especially in later life, is a complex and much misunderstood subject, one that I will explore extensively in these pages. I have found that health can only be truly and more deeply understood and practiced from the inside – with passion, with purpose, and with resilience.
What can we prevent, delay, avoid, or fix? We must explore the answer to this question individually, by experience. Advice only helps us if we do the work.
Whatever motivator we use is OK. I’ve found the strongest ones are right next to me or right inside me. Do you want to hang around longer, in good health, for your spouse, children, or grandchildren? Or even for yourself? Any practice begins with a first step. It doesn’t matter what that step is, whether you begin by focusing on nutrition, activity, meditation, psychotherapy, or spiritual health and well-being. All that matters is that you are motivated to begin and you take that first step. And don’t be surprised if you find more self-love, self-worth, and love for your family, especially your children, along the way.
By now you know that my health story is in my book, A Life Yet to Live: Finding Health, Vitality and Joy after 60. Maybe it will strike a chord in you.
