When You Can’t (or Won’t) Get Started Yourself

A Story of a Loving Kick in the Ass to Jump Start Healthier Habits

I admit I am a big proponent of self-mobilization. I believe that, ultimately, the causes of people not pursuing healthier lives lie within us and need to be explored and energized to change unhealthy habits. As a result, I can be hard on those who aren’t self-motivated to manage and improve their health, even though I care for them and don’t want them to suffer in ill-health or even premature death. But sometimes people are too stuck in their sedentary and unhealthy habits and need not only words but action to, literally, get them moving.  The following story touched me deeply on this whole issue.

A friend’s parents are in their mid-80s. He has watched their mobility and health decline over the past 10 or 15 years in their mainly housebound retirement. Despite telling them about exercise and healthier eating, they refused to change their habits, insisting that housekeeping and gardening were all they needed as activity. And yet my friend was the one who was taking them to their increasing number of doctor visits and picking up the slack on the increasing number of tasks they weren’t able to do anymore.

So, he decided to do something radical. He hired a personal trainer to come visit their house twice a week and force them to get off the sofa and move with strength, aerobic, and flexibility exercise. He spoke with his parents beforehand and asked them to indulge him for 3 months and stick with the program, and he explained that he was doing this because he cared about them and thought they would benefit from it. He called the trainer the “sergeant-major,” a high-energy guy who refuses to take no for an answer. My friend also told his parents that no one was expecting an overnight change, but if they stuck with it the benefits would become obvious in slow increments. “One percent a week,” was how he put it to them.

It was hard for the octogenarians at first, but the benefits did come. After 2 months they decided to hire a housekeeper to clean the house, because going out for a walk was more enjoyable than cleaning the house. For the next three months they split the cost of the trainer with their son and fully took over the cost after that. Their mobility and energy are night-and-day different compared to when they started. Aches and pains and “medical complaints” have reduced significantly. Their outlook on life has improved. The amount of boredom and sitting on the sofa has been reduced. Enough said, whatever happened here worked.  It led to a higher quality situation for all concerned (and it could have been even better if they had started earlier.)

I know many people who need a class or trainer to motivate them. My own motivation is high enough that it doesn’t require signing up for classes or hiring a “sergeant-major” trainer, but that doesn’t make their path any less fruitful than mine.

And so, my views now have more “space” for understanding and accepting alternatives to find a helping path to healthier habits. A kickstart is always necessary to change your habits. But where that motivation comes from can just as easily come from others as it does from inside you. As a drug and alcohol abuse counselor friend of mine, John Donovan, is fond of saying about people who show up to AA meetings: “The smartest and most caring part of you got you to walk through that door. Don’t listen to the other voices, just that one.”

When the voice of your own health and well-being speaks to you, no matter where it comes from, make sure you are listening.