How to Save Your Life? Your Conscience Holds the Truth
One of the most heartbreaking passages I came across in my studies of later life was in the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by palliative caregiver Bronnie Ware. She starts the book with an example of the single most expressed regret of people who are dying: that they did not live a life that was true to themselves but, instead, lived as others expected them to live. Ware shared the story of an older woman who was terminally ill and only had a short time to live. When she expressed this regret to Ware, she grabbed her arm and said, “Don’t do what I did, you still have time to save your life.” The woman had run out of time, and all she could do was pass on her regret and encourage others not to do what she had.
That passage gave me chills when I first read it 10 years ago. I had heard a few people voice that regret from time to time in my earlier, busier life but did not take heed. Now, living life more authentically and honestly, driven by what matters to me and not by convention, is a huge part of how I’m learning to live my life since beginning my later-life journey. Yet most of all, because of the health, energy, and mobility I enjoy (even at age 74), I feel like I still have time and health to live this way and continue learning how to live this way for as long as I am able. My health practice is devoted to maximizing my healthy, functional time on this planet, so I can continue to live out my life in this spirit.
What If?
Was the terminally ill woman better off having expressed that regret so close to her death? I can’t say for sure, but my gut tells me yes. And I’ll bet she wished from the bottom of her heart that she had another year, or two, or five, or ten to discover what “being true to herself” even really means. Passing on her regret to someone younger was all she had time for, yet we can all take note of her warning. I for one do not want to be haunted by that kind of regret when my time on this planet comes to an end.
I think we all somehow live with a certain amount of regret about how we’ve lived our lives. Acknowledging and learning from those regrets and trying to move past them—and start living a life that is true to yourself—is probably one of hardest challenges at this unique, culminating stage of life. How does one even start to live more authentically?
A Place to Start
I have found that being as honest as I can with myself and listening to my conscience, from a place deep inside, have been wonderful friends and tools in my later-life journey. In his brilliant book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl writes that the conscience, that visceral place inside us where the boundaries between body, mind, and soul are blurred, is the very center of our gyroscope for life. It is there that we find out what really matters to us, holds truth for us, and make decisions that support our lives, or not if we’re not listening.
The voice of our conscience can be compromised, rationalized, and disguised in so many ways. Our misguided thoughts can sound like: “What would people think of me if I did that?” or “No one else is doing that; I would be the only one,” or “Who am I to be that bold?” These compromised thoughts incite resistance to the one and only original voice of inspiration and authenticity unique to each of us, the one that has our best interest at heart.
Like a mockingbird, those compromised thoughts are often the voices of others, past and present, who themselves are only repeating what others have said to keep themselves safe. But if you practice listening, and listen long enough, your authentic and true voice becomes the one you hear most often as the other thoughts fade. As it has for me, with lapses for sure, It becomes stronger and more present as you become more in tune with yourself, your body, and your life.
We can support this process in many ways, whether they are physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. For example, one friend went back to seminary school as he was approaching 60 and is now a Presbyterian minister. Another friend, in her 60s, decided to take up farming and is now in love with, and up to her arms in, soil and compost and the wonders of how things grow. Another, in her 40’s, gave up a successful media career to become a therapist. In my case I am giving my daughters a healthy, present, later life father and exploring the wonders of my body, health, and inner life. These are all “life-saving” choices. The possibilities are endless but the source inside each of us is the same.
In all these cases, conscience drove the decisions. Your conscience is the voice of inspiration. It tells you who you really are, what matters in your life, and what you need to be doing. Your conscience wants there to be enough time and health for you to pursue a more genuine, universal, and grounded life with less regret. If you are looking for a source of inspiration to get started on a health journey (or any other journey), look no further than the trusted guide you have inside yourself. Following that voice could save your life.
